Define for me the word Paranoia
Posted on September 4, 2008 - Filed Under Business |
Since moving into these two houses, my levels of suspicion are quite high. I suspect everyone of doing everything. The phrase “Trust No One” should be inscribed above my front door, instead of the proverbial “Welcome”.
A few weeks ago, a new nozzle joined my arsenal. When I say nozzle, I mean Nozzle. Certified for use with the Fire Department, this bad boy has virtually no moving parts and does an excellent job of spraying whatever it is that needs a good shower. The grass, the condensation on my car, Mr. Nichols . . . Machined aluminum body, fiber glass reinforced nylon stem, cup-holder, this baby has it all!
On a referral, a handyman was sent my way to do some work. The various gates around the wooden fence are literally falling off their hinges. JailBird’s construction techniques leave a bit to be desired.
As soon as I got home, my eyes immediately locked onto the hose. Sure enough, the Cal-Tech NASA approved nozzle had disappeared. I immediately called my friend, who vouched incessantly that the handyman was a trust-worthy guy. Of course, the handyman was no where to be found. My anger grew. Someone else had screwed me over. Well, not this time. This time I would let this guy have it. He had to come back. Surely he wanted to collect his paycheck.
“Where’s the nozzle?” I asked.
“It was on the end of the hose,” Handyman stated. He pointed towards the ground, where Nozzle resided earlier. ”Hey Paul, where is the nozzle for this hose?”
Paul is Handyman’s assistant. Paul has also guest-starred on Forensic Files as the loner who always abducts little kids and college girls, rapes and kills them. Paul also looks like he had a bowl of frosted-covered narcotics for breakfast.
“Um . . . oh . . . I put it in the truck.” Paul stammered.
“In the truck?” Handyman asked. ”Why?”
“I put it there because I wanted to hose off the back porch. I’ll go get it.”
Pinhead.
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3 Responses to “Define for me the word Paranoia”
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Hee hee “frosted-covered narcotics” now that was a good one! Cheers Cliff!
Hey Clifford–
Great job o finding the nozzle
We have been traveling, moving up to CT and transitioning, soon I will be back and send you the link.
On a totally separate note, where did you download “Jelly Bean Roll” by the Jazz Bandits which is playing during your first online video?
itunes does not have it and I was hoping you could shed some light.
Take care
Alisons last blog post..Live Catch
@Bruce: Word up!
@Allison: I think I have the tune on my old Dell somewhere. I’ll see if I can find it and send you an email. It is kind of a catchy tune.