Welcome to Chez Cliff!

KERTHUMP!

It’s 2 a.m. and I bolt upright in bed.

Something loud had crashed onto the roof.

Jingle Jingle Jingle.

Mr. Nichols has found a way to penetrate the Coyote Pee security system.  Leaping off the roof of the adjacent apartment building, he soars through the air and lands on my roof.  From there, he walks the top of the fence to my tenants yard.

As it stands, enough Coyote Pee has been sprinkled around my yard to declare it a wild life preserve.  But now my roof has to be coated in it as well?  With those black shingles it certainly won’t last long.  It is still in the mid-80’s during the day which translates to 240 degrees on the roof.  And we all just love the smell of hot pee, don’t we?

He is really beginning to annoy me.

Sunday afternoon and my brain had turned to clay.  This project, while getting exciting, is taking it’s toll on my marbles.  Usually when this happens, my body instinctively turns to one remedy.

Food.

It was nearly 15 years ago that my college roommate introduced me to Bar-Be-Que.  Now I had assumed, quite incorrectly, that “Bar Be Que” was nothing more than chicken on a grill with Hunt’s sauce drizzled over top.  But when we went to the great state of North Carolina, the real and seductive power of real barbeque was revealed.

Clifford:  I had no idea barbeque tasted so good!
Roommate:  That’s because you’re from Michigan.

Sadly it has been years since I’ve been back to North Carolina.  And with that, the taste of real barbeque has been vacant from my lips.  Real barbeque is a perfect marriage between meat and sauce.  Usually most people use sauce to cover up the taste of whatever they are eating.  But barbeque strikes that balance between the two.  The results are next to godliness.

A walk-up barbeque joint opened up around the corner from where I live.  And I decided to try it.

Twenty minutes had passed and yet no food.  The smell of that place was driving my stomach into near convulsions.  Desperation was knocking at my door.

Clifford:  Excuse me.  Did you forget about me?
BBQ Lady:  No honey.  We make our barbeque fresh.
Clifford:  You do?
BBQ Lady:  We don’t do heat lamps.  What do you think this is?  McDonalds?
Clifford:  I’m impressed!
BBQ Lady:  Are you from Michigan?

Well worth the wait.  And the insult.

I got the bbq with ribs.  The meat was so thick, so juicy.  Without a doubt, Homer Simpson had better table manners than what I did at that moment.  My cro-magnon genes reasserted themselves.  I hadn’t felt that good since the maple syrup incident.  And BBQ Lady gave me a huge tub of the barbeque sauce which doubled as dessert once the meat ran out.

Yes, there’s a regret here.  I ordered the “bbq beans” with my meal.  It didn’t occur to be that “Today’s Greens” was actually Collared greens which I haven’t had in many moons.  Next time, the regret will be vanquished.

With all fairness, it wasn’t quite as good as my NC experience.  But it was a real close second place finisher.

Some things just crack me up.

It was over a year ago that Barron’s profiled a little pharmaceutical stock called QSC. At the time it was hanging out at 1.20 per share. To say that I’m a savvy stock investor would be laughable at best. I’m still relatively new to the game but as time passes, I’m getting better.

I’m not sure what it is but I have an affinity for penny stocks. And something appealed to me about this company called QSC. So I bought a few hundred shares.

A few months later, the stock dropped. It landed at 80 cents a share. Two days later it sunk to 60 cents. Then it sailed down to 40 cents. I did the only thing I could think of: bought a few hundred more shares.

Then it went to 20 cents per share.

At that point I felt as if I had made a terrible mistake. I wasn’t too upset about the money because I only invest what I feel comfortable losing. The company had a new CEO and some prominent doctor from Johns Hopkins joined the board. The company still felt right to me so I held my position.

A month passed by before a friend of mine came running to my cube. “Dude! QSC is going ballistic!”

2.12 per share. Once at that point the company was finally eligible to be listed on the NASDAQ exchange where it’s symbol became QSC.

Two days later, it hit 5.10. I couldn’t believe it! My few hundred dollar investment had turned into a few thousand dollar investment.

This last week, it crested above 6.50. I won’t even consider selling QCOR until it hits $10 per share. A 2000% return feels right to me.

Hear me well doubter . . .

I never, ever give up.

The longer the year drags on, the more I believe the house won’t be sold this year. As stated before, it is difficult to compete with all the REO’s on the market.

Since life can be so tough in southern California, it was necessary to bring in some heavy equipment.

After all, I have to have some place to drink my lemonade.

Clifford:  I’ll have the Grilled Stuff Burrito, a soft taco supreme, and a medium soda.

Taco Bell is decidedly not my preferred hang out.  Any place that does nothing but manufacture cheap bar food definitely does not rank highly on my eateries.  If you squeeze a bean burrito just right, it looks like baby pooh.  So why was I lunching at “¡Yo quiero Taco Bell“?

Research.

Mentor:  You need to study Glenn Bell’s model about the value menu.

A huge discussion poured forth, during one of the coffee shop conversations.  We started chatting about how to effectively price a product to not only maximize sales but maximize profits.  This directly lead to a conversation regarding fast food chains and their value meals.

In Glenn Bell’s case, he figured out the Value Menu.  39 cent tacos?  20 tacos for 3 bucks?  Does anyone remember those party packages?

The theory: maximize revenue by selling in volume.

For my product line, I take a look at what others are doing.  This guy is selling his “book” for $179.  OK that’s fairly impressive.  A lot of paper, a lot of forms, and a nice 3 ring binder.  After all the material has been developed, how much does it take to print and store all those goodies?  Packaging and shipping?  Maybe $40 or $50 per “book”?

His eBook comes in at $99.95.  His costs associated with selling the eBook:  $2.10.  Not bad for doing nothing.  It is evident the author has decided to maximize profits and forsake volume.

For the average bear, paying $99.95 for an ebook is a lot.  Especially in today’s market when people are resisting big purchases in lieu of the economy.  Also the average bear understands that ebooks are significantly cheaper than their physical counter parts.  The author must work that much harder to convince people to part with that $100 bill.

How much would his sales increase if he cut the price to 1/3?  Would his sales increase ten fold?

Two hundred and forty dollars per person is what “The French Laundry“, one of the world’s best restaurants, charges.  A far cry from the $5.49 I paid for my Taco Bell lunch.  But the 50 people who followed me into the joint more than made up revenue that the French Laundry might see.

I couldn’t finish my burrito.