Lord of the Flies

Posted on May 15, 2008 - Filed Under Rant |

Every day this week, between 30 and 50 flies have greeted me when returning home.  Before no flies existed in my house.  As of this last Monday that all changed.

This isn’t the first time I‘ve dealt with uninvited guests.  

The flies gather at either the bathroom window or the right front window.  No place else.  Committing the shameless murder of dozens of flies, or flyocide, is at least efficient.  But it is not all fun and games.  Someone has to pick up their bodies.  

To solve the problem, determine the cause.

One of three explanations as to how this many flies entered the house.

  1. My mom is convinced the flies are entering a tiny hole under the bathroom sink, connecting the outside world to my bathroom cabinet.  For some reason, I can’t imagine over 100 flies entering my house, in a conga line through this hole.
  2. The homeless dude in the alley is actually Moses, sending a plague on my house.  I tend to resist this because (a) I’m not a Pharaoh (b) if some dude threw a stick on the ground and it turned into a snake, I would do whatever the mofo said.
  3. Something icky crawled under the house and died.

Number 3 wins!

There’s a couple of options.

  1. Hire a midget to explore the very cramped space under the house, looking for icky dead thing.
  2. Superglue suction cups to an Iguana and attach him to the window.  Bon appetit!
  3. Drink wine out of a box, watch Star Trek.

I envision the Real Estate Agent, showing the house to some perspective buyers.  He opens the door, suddenly 50 flies descend upon him like a bunch of drunken frat boys on a stripper.

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Comments

4 Responses to “Lord of the Flies”

  1. Matt on May 15th, 2008 6:25 am

    It would be interesting to see iguanas glued to your windows. You would probably become a tourist attraction and then be labled the crazy iguana guy… They aren’t as cuddly as a kitty…

    A bunch of tree frogs would probably enjoy the job.. They have built in suction cups…

    You forgot to mention playing Indiana Jones and exploring the under-regions of your house with a fedora and bull whip. That I’d pay to see… :)

    LR to the rescue!

    Matts last blog post..Your TV and the Web…

  2. Steph on May 15th, 2008 3:08 pm

    Flyocide- hehe. That made me laugh… :)

    Boxed wine and Star Trek is pretty funny as well..

    Stephs last blog post..HILARIOUS

  3. Alison on May 17th, 2008 8:40 pm

    Hey–

    I was just reading Women’s Health and they mentioned a new book that is out called “A Field Guide to Household Bugs” — which I will not be wanting to read any time soon :)

    But they did write up that a “sudden house-hold infestation of flies may be a sign of a gas leak” — I hope very much that is not the case, but I wanted to pass on the tip.

    Thanks for the b-day wishes!

    Alisons last blog post..On the Eve of 25

  4. Clifford on May 18th, 2008 7:04 am

    @Alison: Thanks for the tidbit. As of this writing, Sunday, my fly problem has seem to have gone away. Last night I noticed the board covering access to the attic was slightly ajar and I wondered if the natural light from the house penetrated the darkness of the attic, attracting the flies. That would explain why no flies were appearing at night. And it’s definitely better theory than something dead under the house.

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