Wants
Posted on December 5, 2005 - Filed Under Philosophy |
I remember when I first started meeting my mentor for visits. I had told him that I wanted to completely reshape my life. This meant that I wanted to think differently, feel differently, explore the world differently. I wasn’t looking for him to show me the way but for him to guide me and let me find my own path. This is something that I think a lot of people my age are having problems with.
I know that ever since I was little, I always had the same formula beat into my head by everyone around me.
- Graduate High School
- Go to college
- Get a job
- Buy a house
- Get married
- Have kids
- Retire from your job
While I would like to point the finger squarely at parents and educators for this, I have to assume some measure of responsibility because I choose to accept this "projection" onto my life. And while I thought I was alone in this thinking I quickly found out from a number of people who had this exact same "projection" placed on them.
In speaking with my mentor, he told me flat out that if I was going to be the person that was "Clifford" then I would have to reject the projection that I accepted from my parents/educators and create my own view of the world. That would be difficult because I had spent my entire life taking direction. All the way through school and home, then off to college where I learned it intently how to take direction. Then I got a job, where you’re paid not to make mistakes and that was based on the direction that someone else was giving.
But what did I really want?
That is the golden question. And when I ask others this question for their lives, they either give me a part of the formula OR they give me a blank stare. Me, I prefer the blank stare because at least I know that they are confused or honestly don’t know. And I don’t know the answer to that question myself. The only thing I have determined for myself is that I hate the position that I’m in now and I am working to change that.
In a society that prides itself on people being able to "think freely", it amazes me how quickly these same people turn around and impress their thoughts on their children. And I know deep down inside that the parents aren’t trying to turn their children into robots. And in the work place, I see people constantly complain about their jobs or their working conditions or their pay while sitting in their cubicle. Then they get on the phone with their kids and scare the heck out of them about going to college so that their kids can spend the rest of their lives suffering their parents fate.
If parents want what is best for their children, why subject them to the same view of life?
On the flip side, I’m exposed to college kids every day that have become disillusioned because their jobs aren’t providing them with any real satisfaction. They spend their days, dreaming of finding another job that they hope will fill their needs.
I was 28 when I hit my "wake up phase". At that time I hated everything that I was "suppose" to do and did everything that I "wanted" to do. And what an experience that was! But one thing in particular that I choose to do was learn French. And I remember the backlash that I got when I announced that this to my friends, family and colleagues. I either got "That’s so useless!" or "That won’t help your career." or "Why French? Everyone speaks Spanish." That last reason always irks me for some reason.
But I wanted to learn French. And you know, it is one of the bright shining stars in my day.
A good friend of mine, who is about 5 years younger than I is going through, what I will call, this "wake up phase". He has followed the formula, except the marriage part, and he is disallusioned. He kind of reminds me of "me" 5 years ago.
One day in talking with him, he announced to me that he was going to learn Chinese. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. He had never, ever expressed an interest in learning Chinese nor did he even have any friends who spoke Chinese. He had never been there nor did he talk about going there. I inquired as to why and he said "Well, China will be the next super power and it will be good for my career."
I was stunned.
I am a complete advocate of everyone learning a new language. His decision to learn a second language impressed me to no end. But his choice left a little to be desired. Not because Chinese is any worse or better than any other language but his motivations behind it were suspect.
I knew what language he wanted to learn. So I asked him point blank "Why don’t you do something that you want to do rather than something that you think you need to do?" He gave me a blank stare which told me that the wheels were turning.
A few weeks later, he announced that he was starting his second language. His obsession with Germany rivals that of mine with France. And he has been studying this language, through my "Alma mater", for 6 months now. He lives for those classes two nights a week. He told me once he rearranged his business trip so he could be back in time for class. When he talks about it, you can see a fire in his eyes that could set the room on fire.
Why? Because he did something he truly wanted to do. Something that he is passionate about. Not because someone put a road map down in front of him or because someone spoon-fed him a formula. But because he chose to exercise his "wants".
And that makes me feel good.
I’m still finding my way. Shedding these projections has not been easy and I see the appeal of staying and living under them. But at a similar point, I must be the person who I want to be. And I know that in my heart, that means I must find my own path. And I must be my own person.
That is why I do what I do.
If you liked that post, then try these...
Catalysts and Triggers on February 7th, 2007
"I could never do what you're doing.
Who knew? on May 1st, 2007
Reflection.
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