Pink Rant
Posted on October 26, 2005 - Filed Under Rant |
I discovered something very interesting in the paint department at Home Depot.
I was with the Handyman, and his wife, looking at finishes for my wood flooring. While we were waiting for some minimum wage worker to assist us, I noticed these odd looking large drums at my feet. The handyman proceeded to tell me that sometimes people get paint they don’t like, bring it back and then Home Depot re-sells it. These large drums of five gallon paint mistakes were being sold at the ridiculously low price of $20.
Twenty bucks? For five gallons? That’s a steal!
Until I saw the color.
Pepto-bismol pink. Who in their right mind orders pepto-bismol pink? And five gallons of it? Who in their right mind thinks that pepto-bismol pink is a good color for a house? Who? Did someone say to themselves "Hey, I can’t get enough pink. I want everything covered with it!!"
Now you may be asking yourself "Self, how does Clifford know that the pink paint was for a house?"
What else would you use 5 gallons of the same paint for? Did some nutcase decide to get into the Guiness Book of World’s Records by having the world’s largest pink pinewood derby car collection? If I was still living in Michigan, you could argue that someone bought that paint in order to paint their rust-bucket car. But I’m not in Michigan so let’s move on.
Pepto-bismol pink?
Picasso once said "What is that?!?"
And he’s right.
I can’t blame Home Depot for this horrible color selection. You can’t argue "The customer is always right" and then turn around and say "Home Depot is responsible! Let’s sue them!" because some moron ordered some shade of pink that is illegal in most of the countries around the world.
A color policing system wouldn’t be a bad idea. When a genius decides that "Mr. Yuck" green would be a perfect accent color to his flaming orange house, then an alarm goes off and he’s immediately shoved into a color class. In that class, the individual is instructed on what are good colors and what isn’t. Pepto-bismol pink definitely isn’t. Furthermore, if you’re the moron looking at the 5 gallons of returned paint thinking "Wow! Five gallons for $20? That’s a deal!" then alarms should go off and you find yourself in that same color class.
And I am not immune to this system. Oh no. I remember quite distinctively that I selected two shades of green that made some people go to the bathroom in search of a toilet. If I showed up at the big Home Depot and said "Give me 5 gallons of your best "Mr Yuck" green!" then I would have been sitting in the class, surrounded by a bunch of tweakers in the same boat I’m in. Actually tweakers wouldn’t be in the class because they’re too busy selling stolen tools in the Home Depot parking lot. But that’s another rant for another time.
I am not alone in my rant. Oh no! I did a google search for "pepto-bismol pink house" and found many articles from people, complaining about this same issue. I felt sorry for this woman who promised their daughter that she could paint her room any color she wanted. What was this woman thinking? If that was my little girl, I’d say to her "Honey, you know your mother and I love you very much. But the day your room is pepto-bismol pink is the day that pigs fly."
I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that someone thinks that pepto-bismol pink is an acceptable house color . . . or that there’s a website where you can do the pepto-bismol dance!
Come on people! I completely support the idea of people being able to express themselves through art, music, etc. But not your house. Please not your house. Not when every neighbor has to bear the brunt of your decisions.
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I take it you don’t like pink.
- Jill (aka Phany’s tall friend)