Ballistic

Posted on October 2, 2005 - Filed Under Business |

I found out what Mean Grandma wanted when she called me the other day.  I also learned a few things about people.

My day started out late.  All this heat in California has really affected me and I think I was borderline dehydrated.  I added Gatorade to my daily intake of 2 litres of water and that seemed to help.  But it’s been slow.

I arrived at the houses around 1 o’clock.  I only had a few light things left to do in the bathroom and I wanted to finish that before moving onto my next projects.  I had no sooner gotten to the door of the second house when Mean Grandma came out to confront me.

The first thing she lit into me about was the fact that I didn’t call her back.  I expected that.  The second thing she lashed out was how I violated her rights while she was living in that house.  The security screen door, which I had the painters remove, was something she felt was hers and that I had no right to remove.

I was quite good.  I let her finish her before I said one word which I think she picked up on.  She stopped speaking right in the middle of a sentence, telling me how mean and evil I was.

I addressed the phone number issue first.  I told her that I had asked her for her phone number three times and she didn’t want to give it to me.  Further, in her message, she didn’t leave me a phone number to call her back.  I asked her how I was suppose to call her back.  She did not respond.

Then came up the issue of the screen door.  I told her that by law I can do anything outside of the houses that I want and the security doors are on the outside of the house.  I admitted that I asked the painters to remove the security screen door, because I didn’t want my neighbors to be blamed for anything.  If the grief was going to come, it was going to come to me.

Now this is when the conversation became interesting.  She immediately blew up at me.  She screamed at me the story of how she came to live in California, how she has rights, and that she’s not afraid of me.  Then she launched into a tirade about how her English isn’t very good but that doesn’t mean she’s afraid of me.  After came the attacks on how I’m so rich and I have all this money but she’s not afraid of me.

I guess Mean Grandma hasn’t seen what I’m driving these days.  An 11 year old Honda Accord.  Yeah, I’m rich.

In the midst of this scream-fest, her daughter (I think) simply stated "She wants you to put the screen door back."

When Mean Grandma stopped for the second time, her voice was audibly trembling and her bottom lip was quivering.  I was trying to figure out if she was really afraid or if she was pissed beyond recognition.  And the fact that I didn’t respond to her attack sent her slightly off kilter because she backed away from me.    And I never looked away from her.  There are times I enjoy wearing sunglasses.

Back in high school, I decided that if the "high school bullies" were going to pick on me then I was going to stare them straight in the eye and that I would never, ever look away.  If you’re going to screw me then you’re going to look me in the eye while you’re doing it.  I won’t look away.

Another great way to put someone off kilter is to ask a very subdued, subtle question.  Something that they absolutely cannot argue with and deflates everything.  I have learned that in German, there is one word that you can utter that completely refutes anothers argument.  One word.  English isn’t that efficient.

I simply asked "Mean Grandma, if you wanted the screen door put back then why didn’t you ask me?  I would have had the guys put the door back."

With that question, she turned and walked away.

I made a short trip over to the neighbors house and asked them to put the screen door back on the house.  Which they were more than happy to do.  In speaking with them, they told me that they offered to put the screen door back on Thursday.  She declined and said she would wait for me.

Amazing.  She had preferred to not have the screen door and instead she opted to wait for me so she could yell.

I really don’t think Mean Grandma is use to having people stand up to her.  The instant I did, she immediately flipped out.  And the way that I’ve seen her interface with those people I’d believe it.  Her husband is beat down pretty bad to the point where he doesn’t even talk to her.  He just does what she says.  She put down 40-ouncer right in front of me.

After the neighbors said they would put the door back immediately, I apologized to Mean Grandma for the confusion and told her that the screen door would be put back.

October 6th can’t get here quick enough.

I still don’t have their phone number.

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