OCD Attack
Posted on September 28, 2005 - Filed Under Business |
The bathroom.
The last room that I’m changing before my house is unleashed onto the renter market.
The bathroom.
I know it has to be changed. All the brass fixtures have corroded. The medicine cabinet, which I already removed, was rotted beyond repair. The toilet with it’s blue plastic padded seat . . . Let’s not forget the mold on the ceiling and walls . . . Who are these people? I guess I need some more "cultural sensitivity" training.
I really have to thank the internet. I thank my lucky stars that someone actually took the time to create a website dedicated purely to toilets. It has helped me out.
First thing, removing the padded toilet seat lid. I don’t understand the idea behind these
padded seats. The idea of spending any more time than necessary on a toilet is foreign to me. But do they have to really design padded toilet seats to make the more comfortable? Where’s the cup holder for crying out loud? Do they have a model where I can push a button and have room service?
It is sometimes disgusting to be in my head. I knelt down in front of the toilet, staring at the blue padded seat. I thought to myself "I’m about to touch something that countless people have sat on and pooped through. And peed." Then I remembered who use to live there. "And puked on . . ." I thought to myself "40 ouncer’s naked butt sat here." And then I looked down at my hands. My wonderful, blue latex covered hands. I thought that as long as I didn’t come in physical contact with the seat then I’d be alright.
Two minutes later, the toilet seat was off. Nice!! Gloves in the trash. What’s next?
Of course replacing the seat was another matter. I saw the initials "ASM" on the back of my toilet. I didn’t know what ASM stood for but I figured that "S" stood for "Standard". So I went to Home Depot, my unofficial third home, to get a replacement.
Easy?
Bzzzzzzz! Wrong Answer but thanks for playing! Chuck, what do we have for our parting contestant?
Of course there are two different shapes. Oval and round. UGH! Who designs these things? About France, Charles De Guelle was quoted as saying "How can one be expected to govern a country with 246 cheeses?" Oh yeah? Well we got you beat buddy! We got two different toilets! Mass confusion everywhere! Red, blue: Republican, Democrat: Round, Oval.
Who remembers the shape of the last toilet they sat on? I certainly don’t! I’m lucky to have matching shoes when I leave the house!
I didn’t leave Home Depot empty handed though. I was carrying my "I’m so bad" ego.
Next, the mold. Even though I bleached the ceiling already I decided to "re-bleach" it. And this, of course, required the use of that wonderful TSP cleaning compound afterwords. That TSP is great at killing odors! I wish I could spray it on some people at work. "Didn’t have time to shower? No problem! A squirt of TSP and you’re as good as new!"
The mold killing primer, coincidentlly called "Killz", was placed on the ceiling. Paint over top and it was as good as new! Some of the walls needed to be touched up so I did that as well.
Bathroom is done.
Next on the list: carpet!
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