Welcome to Chez Cliff!

Yesterday was pretty intense.  Kudos to Anne and Tony, listening to me rant about it for a few hours.

Today, I elected to unplug from the situation entirely.  At work, I refused to talk about it.  Answers to people’s questions were brief and to the point.  I spent more time, trying to figure out what I was going to cook for my Saturday night payment plan.

Now that I’m staying at Chez Anne and Tony, I must cook dinner once a week.  That’s no problem because I love to cook.  The problem lays in the fact that all my cooking stuff is packed away.  I’ll just have to get creative and make do.

Dinner will be a three course event.

First course:  Red Bell Pepper soup (my personal summertime favorite)
Main course:  Bacon-wrapped filet mignon with Cognac Demi-glace sauce
Dessert Course:  Poires Babeth (pears boiled in cinnamon syrup, baked under custard)

Tonight, it’s Alex’s turn to cook.  He was homeless guy who I replaced when I moved in.  We’ve setup dinner and I managed to squeeze in a shot of the table.  I love eating dinner here.  It’s so quiet and serene.  And the water-fountain makes a nice background music.

I’ve also done some redecorating to my blog.  And added a thing or two just because I need some humor on this thing!

I long for the days where my toughest decision was what I was going to eat for dinner that night.  But, I keep telling myself that before long, I’ll have many more of those days in front of me.  Instead of a tiny apartment, I’ll have a grand dining room.

Today, I admit that I’m in a weird place.  While my excitement continues to grow, my repulsion meets new boundaries.  You could almost equate it to being in the ocean.  You are swimming along and suddenly, the cold water becomes warm.  Or the warm water suddenly becomes cold.  You’re still in the water but it feels differently.  Please, no sick jokes about what makes the water warm.  Been there, done that.

So I journeyed back over to the houses today.  My objective was actually quite simple:  Get the new color scheme on the wall.  Anne came with me this time and gave me some great ideas.  Which I will be sharing momentarily.

But first, I must share the new level of . . . "disgusting-ness" that my front tenants have fallen to.  This is absolutely horrendous.  Upon arriving, Anne asked me if I noticed what was behind the lawn chair on the front porch.  With some trepidation, I said "No . . ." and worked my way up to the front porch.

WARNING:  This program contains violent material, strong language and adult themes. Viewer discretion is advised.

For some reason, my tenants left a large piece of . . . "steak" on the front porch.  To make matters worse, the entire piece of "meat" was covered in all kinds of gross bugs.  I hate bugs.  If it has more legs than a dog, I kill it!!

As I watched the 4 inch cockroach scurry away, I immediately went into survival mode.  I’m not the most religious person in the world but at times of near death experiences, I find myself saying things like:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; Psalms 23:4

And after seeing that meat, I could hear God saying "Dude, you’re on your own!"

I couldn’t touch it.

So let’s move on.

I was able to park in my driveway today.  Go me!  ROAR!  It was so great to be able to park it in my driveway.  I had to take a photo of it and share it with you all.  It’s also good to because you can see the next house I wish to purchase.  The house next to mine is gorgeous!

The good:  My car looks great there!
The bad:  Only one car at a time.
The ugly:  The steak is still on the porch.

As I stated at the start of this post, my goal was to get the colors onto the side of the house.  Which I was able to do.  Anne recommended that rather than put large swatches on the wall that I actually put the paint in an arrangement similar to what will finally be representative of the finished product.  So I was going to be painting not only the wall but a window too!

By the time I had to leave, the paint hadn’t quite dried.  But I snapped a photo anyway so the patterns can be seen.  I’ll be going back over there tomorrow to see the colors in their dried state.  I want to see them during the day, evening, night, morning, etc.

The good:  The colors look great on the wall.
The bad:  I have to wait for the paint to dry.
The ugly:  The steak is STILL on the front porch!

Mean Grandma pulled up behind my car in her SUV.  She seemed a bit angry that my car was in my driveway.  When I finally stepped out to where she could see me, she drove down the road, did a u-turn, and took off.

I noticed one thing today that absolutely made me sad.  Most of the stuff just irritates me beyond imagination.  But this was sad.  I am planning to landscape the entire piece of property.  All the bushes that are in place now will be chopped to pieces and replaced with more suitable shrubbery.  The types of shrubbery I’m going to get can be seen on that wonderful palette that Anne put together for me.

Telling the front tenants that their "stuff" has to go won’t bother me.  But they just planted this beautiful rose bush.  It doesn’t match anything but it’s going to have to go.  I felt bad looking at it and decided to snap a photo.  Amidst all this junk, crap, and "stuff" there is this one spot of beauty.  I asked the cockroach if he wanted to pose with the rose bush but she said no.

The good:  I’ve got great shrubbery coming.
The bad:  This poor rose bush has gotta go!
The ugly:  That piece of steak is STILL on the damn porch!!

As I was leaving, Anne said to me "You should get a picture from this angle."  She was right.  I’ve become so accustomed to seeing all this "stuff" that it never occurred to me that I could capture most of it in one long shot.  The magnitude of the amount of "stuff" to be taken care of is nicely captured.

I never imagined that I’d ever, ever have something like this.

The good:  Am-Vets said they would take the stuff away.
The bad:  They won’t take away that couch.
The ugly:  That piece of steak is STILL on the FRIGGIN porch!!

So I had my first visitor today!  My fellow cubicle monkey, Jeff, accompanied me during our lunch over to the houses.  I needed to inspect the lock situation there and look over the houses more.

And what did my first guest have to say about my property? 

Dude, you’ve got a lot of work cut out for you.

In the aftermath of the exodus, I quickly realized why the tenants were able to move out so quickly.  They moved half of their "stuff" to the back yard.  But in an effort to sway my anger, they placed a sign that reads "Salvation Army" on the pile of junk.  Give me a break!  How, in the name of all that’s pure and holy, are the Salvation Army people suppose to see that "stuff"?  I know that they aren’t going to take it.  There’s a mattress just laying there for crying out loud!! 

I’ve taken a bunch of photos and you can see them here. 

I mean, come on . . . there are two grocery carts back there!  Are these people that low where they have to steal grocery carts from the local market and then hide them behind the storage container?  That’s illegal!  If I actually knew the names of those thieves, I’d call Crime Stoppers and have them arrested!  ROAR!!  Unfortunately, I only know them as 40 ouncer, idiot kid, and tons of fun.  Idiot kid is the girlfriend with her boyfriend, 40 ouncer.  She is the one that used her warp logic on me regarding rent and 30 day notices.  "40 Ouncer" got his nickname because, as I explaining to them how a 30 day notice worked, he decided to open a 40 ounce bottle of Budweiser and drink it in front of me.  "Tons of Fun" was the fat lady who, having her collection of voodoo dolls, sprayed evil curses on me every time she saw me.  That’s alright.  Their days of pot smoking are over!

But in the grand scheme, the house isn’t all that bad.  Most of the repair work will be superficial.  Photos are here.

And Mean Grandma’s sphere of influence has grown.  Now there is twice as much junk in the front yard as before.  Benches everywhere!  You would almost think my yard has become a city park!  Where is the water fountain with ducks?  Oh that’s right.  I fixed the broken handle for the pond a few weeks back!

So, let’s move on.

Anne and Tony today got me the paints for my house.  Not only that, but she put together this piece of . . . something . . . I’m not sure what to call it because I’ve never seen or heard anything like it.  Now, I’m not talking about some color swatches.  Oh no.  This piece of canvas not only has color swatches on it but all of the plants that happen to correspond with it.  I have never, ever seen anything like it.  I just wish there was a way I could preserve it.

No, I am not putting these colors through my software program.  I’m just going to get the paint on the house and make it happen.

Now for those reading along, I’d greatly appreciate any HONEST opinions you might have about the colors.  These earthtones that Anne picked out are right along the line of what I saw on the multi-million dollar bungalows.  My real estate agent already likes the color scheme.

So a few things transpired today.

First off, when my cell phone started chirping at 10:00 this morning with my real estate agent’s number showing brightly I was excited.  Yes, the tenants had moved out and the place was still standing erect.  Excellent!  But a new problem arose.

So let’s do the math.

3 tenants
2 doors
Each door has 2 locks (4 locks in total)
They turned in 1 key.

???????

Oh yeah, I’m definitely changing the locks.  I went to Home Depot tonight and got an education in dead bolts.  Someone suggested calling a locksmith but they want way too much money.  Forget it.  With a screw-driver, I can replace them all relatively quickly.  But they’re not cheap.  The dead-bolt, handle lock combinations I saw were running about $50 a piece.  That will be $100 for both doors.  UGH!

So I had a major setback today.  I sent the photo of my house to my real estate agent.  He wrote me back with "This is terrible!  Who picked out these colors?!?" 

Over the past two weeks, no one has admitted to liking the colors I picked out.  They have all hated them.  Especially the women!  I was going to go on this tirade about how women are better with colors than men.  But everyone knows that’s true so I’ll just skip it.  Anyway I’m sort of back to square one.

My real estate agent gave me the addresses of some dozen or so bungalow style houses along Ocean Boulevard, 1st Street and 2nd Street.  These places are running at $1 million plus range.  More importantly, it gives me ideas on what the latest trends are in painting styles.  So with my bottled water, I set myself onto the sidewalk to begin my lunch time promenade.

Every single house was painted in earth tone colors.  Every one.  In each case, the earth tone colors not only made the house "pop" but made it look bigger.  That’s the objective with my house.  Everything to make it look bigger.  I realized that I should be taking a digital camera with me everywhere if I really want to chronicle my adventures and what I see.  Next time.  After a few hours of wandering around, I realized I should get back to work.

To Anne’s credit, she has taken up the quest to help me pick out earth-tone colors.  I spent a few hours with her tonight, going over ideas.  Tomorrow she’s being my assistant and going to the paint store to get samples.  Nine of them.  Three sets of three colors that match.  Tomorrow evening, while I’m at the houses, I’ll be busy painting swatches all over the back side of the house.  My career as a house painter is coming about!

Tonight, I heard Anne talking to her daughter.  They’re coming out here for Labor Day weekend which is only a few weeks away.  Anne has stated multiple times that she wants me to stay as long as I need to.  But I’m getting that feeling that I’m intruding.

You know what they say about house guests and fish . . . after three days . . .

Well, it’s now 11:30 p.m. and I just cannot sleep.  So I’m blogging instead.

I am absolutely happy to report that the tenants in the second house have vacated the premises.  Not only did the $500 motivate them but it inspired them.  They actually moved out on Saturday!  This was my last major obstacle before moving onto the next step.  And that is paint.

I talked to my real estate guy today (yes, he works Sundays) and tomorrow he’s sending his assistant to meet with the tenants, give them the money, and collect the keys.  So by this time tomorrow, I’ll be in complete charge of the houses.

For some reason, I should be exhausted because of all the stress I’ve endured this past week.  But I’m not.  I am filled with an excitement that I haven’t felt in a long time.  It is absolutely impossible for me to close my eyes and fall asleep. 

I’ve already got my list of paint people to call.  And every fibre of my being wants to call them now!  But it’s Sunday night and they’re doing what I should be doing . . . and that’s sleeping.  But I just can’t stop thinking about this.

The next thing for me to do on the agenda is to replace the locks on the second house.  This should be relatively quick and painless to do.  And tax deductible!  I’ve been advised that this is something that should be done after tenants leave.  I don’t want any drunken people showing up at my door at 2 o’clock in the morning and letting themselves in. 

I’ve had a few requests to show what it is that I finally hope to accomplish in the next 3 months.  And it’s probably a good idea to get all of my ideas down on paper anyway.  I’m going to start working on that and am going to get it up on my blog.  Stay tuned!

To thank my real estate agent for taking care of yet another problem for me, I’m taking him out to lunch.  It’s the least I can do.