Welcome to Chez Cliff!

Jorge and the boys showed up to do my grass.  Best $20 I could have spent.  Those guys are great!  And since they were there, I had them chop down those large, ugly bushes in the front yard.  I honestly expected to find the roots still there.  Nope, when those guys were finished, there was nothing left of those bushes.  Now I can feel some real results coming on.  I got a photo here of the house without bushes.  It looks so much better!  In case you need to see the house with the photos, go here.

I do have a small confession.  When the Jorge and the boys attacked my yard with
the mowers and hedgers, I immediately remembered that large spider that
has setup shop in my back yard.  He’s still not paying rent.  Anyway, I
watched from my future bedroom with a sadistically blank stare as that unsuspecting soul
wandered right through that spider’s web with his mower.  He frantically started
brushing the large strands of web off his body.  After a few seconds, he yelped something in spanish.  Like “Con dios” or something like that as he started to do this crazy Irish jig dance.  Then the spider went in for the kill.  I turned and went back
to sealing cracks.

May God have mercy on his soul.

I am a cold, cold man.

I hate spiders even more.

Now I’m sealing cracks and plugging holes.  Oh yes true believers, I am capable of doing minor home repair.  When I first started, I was really nervous, really careful . . . after a little while, I was slinging “joint compound” like an old army cook slings hash.  Of course I realized that no one would believe me so I snapped a photo of my hand in action.  How can I prove that it’s me?  Well, all I have to say is that if you know me then you know that’s my hand in the glove.

My grand accomplishment was plugging those holes that connect the living room to the bedroom.  From the photo, you can see right through the hole.  In the second one, you can see the results.  I don’t think I did a bad job.  And with the new coat of paint, it’ll have disappeared.

The see through hole!	Et viola!

I’ve got three painters on their way to give me quotes.  I’m a negotiation fiend!  ROAR!  I know between the three, I’ll get the best price.  Since I’ve already got the paint picked out this will be a snap.

And I got my first piece of furniture!  Go me!

For something new, I’ve added the WTF photo.  When my tenants do something off the wall, I’m going to add it to my WTF photo section.

“WTF” photo of the day.

Even though my tenants have a large gas grill, they managed to construct this lovely device.  Not only is it resting on a cardboard . . . . “dresser” but it’s also ready to fall over onto the grass.  Who are these people?!?  If you want to relive the past, check out some of their other junk they have just left in the yard.

I’ve got great photos!  I just can’t find the thingy to import them onto my computer.  Ugh.  I had that gizmo just the other day and now I can’t find it!

Please stay tuned.  I’ll update the blog a little later when I found that thingy.

So there were some command decisions made today.

First, the handyman I needed to find disappeared.  I know someone who works as a handyman and is looking for work as we speak.  He hangs out at the local coffee shop and loves my area of SoCal.  Well, he found work.

So calling around to other handyman, I suddenly got the impression that all the good handymen are busy.  Busy busy busy.  Most can’t even see me to give me a quote until Friday or Saturday of this week.  That’s way, way too long.  I can’t put Anne and Tony under any more strain.  Even though they insist that I’m no pain, I’ve got to make this happen.  I decided that I’m going to have to suck it up and just do it.

This afternoon, I started to do the home repairs myself.  I somehow managed to change the locks on the doors.  All of the nails were removed and the holes were subsequently filled.  But there were a few things that popped up along the way.  Like I noticed a large hole cut out between the living room and the first bedroom.  I can only guess that they spliced cable from the living room and sent it into the bedroom.  Ugh.   Also, there are giant large cracks on the wall.  No, not gaping fissures but cracks.

As luck would have it, Mr. Home Repair stopped by.  JP sent me to school!  He told me some easy ways to plug giant holes and seal up cracks.  He gave me a list of items to snag at the local hardware store and instructions on how to use them.  Now I’m ready!  And the problems with the windows?  Piece of cake!  I just need to find some kind of small hydrualic jack to use temporarily.  Any ideas?

The gas man finally showed up and turned on my stove.  I think one burner is working normally.  Another burner is trying to work but it only has one blue flame shooting out in one direction.  I found that by blowing on the blue flame, it would somehow light the other streams of gas.  But not all.  So at any time, maybe half of the burner works.  And god only knows how many layers of burnt-on crud there is on the burners.  I’m contemplating just getting a new stove.

So today, I finished all the little stuff around the apartment.

Tomorrow, I plug the giant hole and seal up the cracks.  I’m also starting to call these painters.  I need quotes and I need paint on the houses.  Go me!

Regarding the locks, today was my day.  I stopped completely because I wasn’t looking forward to replacing, in total 8 locks on 2 doors.  Let’s be realistic, who has 4 locks per door?  Removing the grotesque screen doors will eliminate 4 locks.  This leaves only the locks on the inside door.  This cuts that number from 8 to four.  I like that math better.

I had a chance to meet the man who brought Costco to Canada.  He told me "For any business to succeed, they must meet two of the following three criteria:  1. Phenomenal Customer Service; 2. Excellent product selection; 3. Cheapest prices possible."  My response was "So Costco is about products and prices." to which he responded "Yes."

After utilizing the Internet, I discovered that Schlage makes home locks.  I thought about getting some locks from Brinks until I read that Schlage makes the locks used in prisons.  I thought to myself "If it’s good enough to keep murderers, rapists and pick-pockets locked up, it’s good enough for me!" 

I had picked out my locks at Home Depot (HD).  A fellow cubicle inmate told me that HD can re-do the locks so that they all work with the same key.  Armed with my $50 coupon, I was ready to get the locks changed and get them on the door.  I found the guy in the lock section and asked him about getting the locks "re-keyed".

Cliff:  Excuse me sir, I’d like to get these locks to work with the same key.
Minimum Wage Worker (MWW):  Alright . . . .  (He pauses for 10 seconds)
Cliff (wondering):  Do you do that?
MWW:  Nope.
Cliff (Irritated): Who does?
MWW:  The key guy
Cliff: Where is the key guy?
MWW:  Up front.
Cliff:  "Up front" is a little vague.  Where up front?
MWW:  Where else?  The Tool Section.
Cliff (reads name tag):  Thank you Paul.  You’ve been extremely helpful and have made my Home Depot experience a true pleasure.

Pinhead.

I go to the Tool Section where I find the key guy, who was talking on the phone.  A young lad of perhaps 24 years, his body language seemed intent on the phone call.  I approached him, holding my locks and patiently waiting.  I know at some point, he’ll put down the phone and attend to his customer.  As I kind of zone out, my ears suddenly became super sensitive to the sounds around me, including his conversation.

Minimum Wage Worker 2 (MWW2):  You looked so hot in that mini skirt.  Oh yeah.  After a few drinks, I couldn’t keep my hands off you.  I know, I know but I couldn’t help it.  I was so horny and you were so hot.  Yeah, I didn’t care about that.
Cliff (to myself):  You’ve got to be kidding me.  Someone shoot me now.
MWW2 (puts the phone off to the side of his head): Can I help you?
Cliff (irritated):  I need these locks re-keyed to work with the same key.
MWW2 (finds a piece of paper and a pen):  What’s your name and number?
Cliff:  Why?
MWW2:  So I can call you tomorrow when I got the locks done.
Cliff:  How long does it take?
MWW2:  About 15 minutes.
Cliff:  And you can’t do it now?  I know you’re extremely busy but I’d like to get this done tonight.  Your store doesn’t close for another hour.
MWW2  (to the phone): Yeah baby, I’ll call you back.  I gotta work.
Cliff (to myself):  Imagine that.

Pinhead.

Great Selection.
Reasonable Prices.
No Customer Service.

My alarmed sounded on time today:  6:10 a.m.  My brain said "Cliff, here’s a list of items you need to accomplish today."

I love making lists.  I need to do it more often.  There’s nothing better than being able to cross items off your list.  What starts off as an overwhelming monster suddenly becomes minor objects to complete.  That’s it!  And with a stroke of a pen (or a stylus in my case) things get done.

And I’m back into management mode.  My sense of frustration came from the fact that I wasn’t managing the events in my life.  I was bent out of shape about the other day but I haven’t explained to the tenants what is going on and, more importantly, what they can and cannot do.  As long as I can call the shots, make the big decisions, then I’m happy.

Complete	Items
	Make a list
	Contact Wells Fargo. Still haven’t received first mortgage payment notice.
	Prepare list for handy man. I need a bunch of stuff done on the second house and I don’t have time to do it myself.
	Contact Insurance company about house insurance. Stupid escrow people didn’t charge me for it. Good news: it’s a tax deduction!
	Contact wench with directions on where to send remainder of my security deposit
	Send letter to tenants regarding improvements to the yard. Also, to clean that "stuff" up before I do. Ooh Mean Grandma is going to hate me!
	Contact my man Jorge about hacking down those bushes in the yard. That needs to be done before the painters show up!
	Find a place to stay next weekend.
	Move tenants security deposit to high interest Money Market account. Thanks Magic Grandma for the idea!
	Contact Public Works and let them know that there is a new sheriff in town. I need to make sure all the garbage and water still happens.
	Contact Gas company. It would be nice if I could do some cooking.
	Pay the power bill. Yes, already. I still have charges left over from the apartment.

It’s amazing what you can do with a telephone, 37 cent stamp, and a cubicle job with nothing to do.